I used to think that I could handle change really well. When it came to moving from Jr. High to High School, I was ready. When I could finally say goodbye to the braces, the bangs and the chubbiness of the awkward stages, I was more than ready, I was waiting. But now looking at my life and the consistency of change that happens every day I find that I have been lying to myself. Change is not fun.
Yesterday I said goodbye to a dear cousin, roommate, and friend. We grew up together, we lived together, and we laughed together. I watched her fall in love and I watched her get married and now I get to sit back and watch her move on to bigger and better things in life and I don't like it. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how inevitable change is.
My best friend is getting married in a week, people are graduating from college (what?), my relationships aren't what they used to be with people I love and it feels like the world is crashing down in a huge heaping pile of leftover change and I'm trying to keep from drowning in it. And everyone who knows me knows I'm not good at swimming. What is one to do?
Maybe I'm the strange one. Everyone is up and changing and here I am attempting to keep everything how it was or trying to go back to the way things used to be. Maybe it's time for me to learn how to embrace life and its uncertainties. To learn to look change in the face with faith and determination and say, "bring it on." Maybe I just need to put on my big girl pants and live.
But how?
Therein lies the question I so desperately need to find an answer to.
