I used to think that I could handle change really well. When it came to moving from Jr. High to High School, I was ready. When I could finally say goodbye to the braces, the bangs and the chubbiness of the awkward stages, I was more than ready, I was waiting. But now looking at my life and the consistency of change that happens every day I find that I have been lying to myself. Change is not fun.
Yesterday I said goodbye to a dear cousin, roommate, and friend. We grew up together, we lived together, and we laughed together. I watched her fall in love and I watched her get married and now I get to sit back and watch her move on to bigger and better things in life and I don't like it. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how inevitable change is.
My best friend is getting married in a week, people are graduating from college (what?), my relationships aren't what they used to be with people I love and it feels like the world is crashing down in a huge heaping pile of leftover change and I'm trying to keep from drowning in it. And everyone who knows me knows I'm not good at swimming. What is one to do?
Maybe I'm the strange one. Everyone is up and changing and here I am attempting to keep everything how it was or trying to go back to the way things used to be. Maybe it's time for me to learn how to embrace life and its uncertainties. To learn to look change in the face with faith and determination and say, "bring it on." Maybe I just need to put on my big girl pants and live.
But how?
Therein lies the question I so desperately need to find an answer to.
Reegan! I am glad I read your blog this morning. I feel like that has been my life for the last two years. It is such a weird stage being 21 at BYU in Provo when you see everyone making big decisions and you often feel like you are not or being left behind or something. But I promise you you are making changes that are important and good! You just got accepted to the teaching program, you are an awesome example to so many around you, you help us all want to be better and more than anything, you are an amazing friend. I think that God is just readying you for something so amazing that is to come in your life. :) I wouldn't doubt that for a second. He loves and is aware of you, and as you just move forward with faith, and don't compare your life to others, you will be so happy!! I remember when my best friend got married, and i felt like the world just changed right over, but it was cool because after a few months, her husband became an awesome friend to me and we would all hang out often. It just takes some time. You got this my friend!! Love ya! -Kelsey Clayton
ReplyDelete